Intimacy

I have found that by and large many people like to use the word “intimacy” as a synonym for sex. But the word intimacy has so much more to it than that! We are denying ourselves of the depths of all that this word means. Here is a simple and easy way to define it: into-me-see. True intimacy is a true knowing and being known. Of course we should first experience this kind of intimacy in our relationship with God. But marriage also requires true intimacy if we would have it be all that God has meant it to be.

We see in the Bible that the act of sex, or becoming one with your spouse in marriage is usually called being “known.” True marital intimacy requires being known both in the emotional way as well as physically.

In my marriage, I thought we knew each other pretty well. I didn’t struggle to share myself fully with my husband. I never knew he was holding himself back. At times in our recovery journey I felt deep down inside that it wasn’t all that it should be but I don’t know if I could really have articulated this. Now I know that it was a lack of true intimacy.

The fourth discovery was a turning point for us. My husband somehow finally grasped that he has to be transparent with me. He began to share with me all the “smaller” struggles he had along the way in the area of sexual integrity. These were often just as hard to hear as the bigger things. But each one brought us closer. And he began to realize he has to face his emotions head on and process them instead of shoving them away. This leads to even more intimacy between us as we have conversations about big and small, hard and easy feelings.

You cannot force this on your husband. The best job for the wife that I have found sounds cliche but it really is simply to pray. I prayed God would give my husband a more sensitive conscience and I really feel He did that. I didn’t even know to pray for more intimacy. God just allowed my husband to stumble enough times that he finally realized something was broken and it was going to take more to fix this than the things we had tried before. But I did pray for my marriage. I did hunger and thirst for more, even when I didn’t realize it.

There is hope. That is the main thrust of every message I want to share – there is hope! Hope for healing. Hope for more. “Hope thou in God.” – Psalm 42:11