Sometimes it is in the letting go

We had made it past the one year mark. I still had some struggles, but by far things had gotten much better. Then once again I was prompted to ask the question: “Have you looked at porn?” And unfortunately the answer was yet again in the affirmative. And unfortunately yet again I had to ask and confront to get the information. It had happened some months before I asked.

The devil would give HB all sorts of reasoning to get him to deceive me or just keep it from me. He had decided that once he went a year after that third time, THEN he would tell me. But this yet again just shattered my trust.

I was mad. I didn’t know what to do. I remember getting alone to pray and feeling like I was getting nowhere. (As a side note, I think this is usually how it’s been for the first day or two after a disclosure – I am too upset to quiet my heart before God and really hear him speak.) But eventually after a couple days a voice did break through. A voice telling me that this time I was to just let it go.

You see, it was in the past. He had walked on and walked in integrity for a while since then. Dredging up all the same old emotions I had dragged us through before was not going to benefit this time. And so I put it behind me and we moved on.

We must learn to let the Lord direct and guide us. Every situation will not be the same. Sure, there are some guidelines that will make sense for most couples. But above all, being able to hear the voice of the Almighty will stand the test of time.