The second time was so much worse

It seemed fairly easy to move on after my husband and I talked out the reality of his betrayal.

It still amazes me to look back at how God turned me in a 180 in just a few short hours after HB’s first disclosure. Of course there were moments of struggle and fear that it would happen again. But mostly I just put it behind us and walked on.

Until it happened again.

The second disclosure came about through a friend catching something and confronting HB. Then HB confessed it to me himself. Even though the circumstances were more mild this second time around, I just could not seem to put it behind me. Fear that this would just keep happening and I could not trust my husband was dogging my steps day after day.

It has been said that trust is lost in buckets and regained in drops. Unfortunately this is true. And so began the hard work of letting God put the pieces back together again.

The first time it was like when one is completely healed by God in an instant at the altar. The second time was like when God uses chemo to put cancer in remission. I don’t understand all the reasons for the difference, but I do know it brought me closer to God than ever before.