Accountability

Accountability is a helpful key to recovering from a pornography addiction. In my opinion there should be both accountability partners and accountability software in place. I know that this was so important for our journey – especially in the early days when I was so afraid of it happening again. Knowing we had some safeguards in place didn’t remove all fear but it did help a lot.

Personally, my husband has myself and one close friend that keep him accountable. Before he always just wanted it to be me – but I feel it is unfair for the wife to feel like she’s just a nag or babysitter. The friend we chose has been faithful to check in with HB, and this is very important. Your husband should choose someone not afraid to ask how he is doing, or to confront him when necessary.

There are quite a few accountability apps and software available these days. We have tried two different companies. We used Covenant Eyes for a short time, and this is probably one of the most well known. The reason we stopped using it was because their VPN started messing with our devices and causing technical issues. Another thing we don’t like about Covenant Eyes is that it shows the actual images viewed, and HB’s partner did not think they were blurred out nearly enough – which means he had to potentially be compromised himself in having to see what HB saw!

(Side note: it was during the time when we had nothing in place that HB fell into porn again – this shows how important accountability is).

The company we now use is Accountable2You (A2U). This company sends alerts that are just text, no images. You can also pick trigger words if there are specific things you want to guard against (for example, HB found that he would be tempted to watch anime, which was a gateway into the pornography – so “anime” is one of our trigger words). A2U does not employ any filters, it simply gives alerts when the boundaries are crossed.

We have Apple devices, which are actually quite easy to “lock” in specific and personalized categories – this is very useful for both myself and HB, as well as children!

As the wife, it is obviously not your final decision on whether your husband is willing to be accountable. But I still felt it was important to discuss here.

No matter what accountability you have in place, the Enemy is going to try to destroy your marriage. Be vigilant while also learning to trust again – a fine balance only God can help you find. Your personal relationship with God, and your husband’s own relationship with God are the top priority.

Leonard Sankey once said this: “The most important piece of equipment for using the internet is a sanctified heart.” Amen and amen.