I didn’t sign up for this

That thought kept rolling through my head. This is not what I expected for my marriage. This is not fair. But finally one of the times that phrase came into my mind, God softly said, “Actually, you did.” Ouch. The vows I took included this. Yes, even this.

One friend told HB, “You didn’t break your vows.” But that friend was wrong. Yes, HB did break his vows. No, he did not have a physical affair. But when he said, “Forsaking all others,” that included using anyone other than me his wife to fulfill any sexual or romantic desire.

What God was telling me in that moment was that even if HB broke his vows, it didn’t give me the right to break mine. I did sign up for this – when I said, “For better, for worse.” When I accepted that this man was God’s will for me and I was going to give him my tomorrows. And realizing that gave me just a little bit more courage to face each day and claim victory.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified. – Isaiah 61:3