A death that can’t be grieved out loud
Something that I realized somewhere in the earlier days of my journey was that my husband’s betrayal affected me somewhat like a death would have. I have lost some very close loved ones so I was able to analyze this pretty closely.
Yet it is not a clean cut, as death so often is. It is jagged and prone to gangrene.
One thing this knowledge has helped me with is that it is ok if my emotions are all over the board. That is how grief works. Bawling one minute and the next perhaps feeling that we have moved on. Only to have it crash in again the next day.
But this is a grief that cannot be grieved out loud. It is a silent, quiet, lonely grief that no one can truly enter with you.
No one but Jesus.
I will never forget how Jesus spoke to me about these simple words in my time of grief over losing a parent:
”Jesus wept.”
He wept. Though He knew that almost with the next breath He would raise Lazarus from the dead, He still wept. He wept for the suffering of Mary and Martha. He wept for the suffering of this sin-cursed world.
And He weeps with us in our grief.
There are lonely places that no one but Jesus will ever enter with you. But in those places you find Him so true and so real. He will be your best Friend.
“Grieve long, grieve deep
Let the sorrow soak inside you, let your tears roll like the sea
And feel it all, close out the world, dive into the unknowns of your shaking world
And in those depths you’ll prove
the Rock that will not move.”
– Merilee Barnard
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